We are heading toward Valentine’s Day in February where the commercial mechanisms in our society would have us honour our significant relationships on this one day by spending copious amounts of money on trinkets and cards.  A relationship is so much more than this one day.  Although we typically consider a significant relationship as being in relation with someone we love, a significant relationship may in fact be the one person who gets under your skin because there is something in them that you dislike or resist or can’t stand.  Is it something in you perhaps that you do not like or  are resisting?   Recently I have had occasion to explore relationships at many different stages, as unique as the persons telling me the stories.   I have heard from an elderly man who is aware of impending death who looked back on his life and his loves, cars and things forgotten.    I have observed families in crisis where the foundation of relationships first and communication was never established.  I notice that it appears to be a theme for me in what I am privileged to witness these days -  that relationships in the beginning and in the end are everything and they mould us into who we are, whatever we think of them and whether or not we think it is tragedy  or a great blessing to have had or to have these relationships. And whether or not we lost our individuality in them or they grew us in ways we never saw coming. What matters most and is so often overlooked, is how we are in relationship with ourselves first,  and with God or Spirit, so we can be in relationship with others next; and, how we heal to wholeness of who we are by virtue of how we are in relation to  the relationships in our lives.

So in the face of al of this, I sat down in stillness to see what it is I am to extract from this as learning and how I am called to pass on any wisdom.

I look at the photo of my daughter dancing with a dolphin above and I see the pure connection with another living thing and somehow this says it all for me.  It  really is  this simple.  No talking, just being.  A little action to engage and then a surrender to the moment.  Simply get into the water and dance!

Research indicates that the number one need of a human being is a sense of connection.  Yet, the reality that appears to show up regularly for  most of my clients on a  day to day basis is far from a sense of connection with anything. Rather we are separated.  Separated from our spirituality; separated from the wisdom of a life in nature; separated from any concept of who we are at our core essence level; and separated from each other as we view the world as “me” and “them”.  We simply resist getting into the water and dancing.  We wonder what the water might be like: “Will it be hot or cold?; What will happen if I get in and engage?; Will the dolphin like me?; What if I don’t please it?  What if it hurts me?;  I won’t be good enough; Why even do this; Why not just do what I know; Why bother anyway?   What if no one thinks this is great? Whatever!  F *** you, I am leaving!”  By the time we have had this conversation with these voices in our head or even out loud with others, we  have talked ourselves out of dancing in the water with the dolphin in front of us. And when we do, we rob ourselves badly.  We rob and steal the experience of learning available to us just by simply taking the leap of faith into the unknown to see what we can learn.   The leap into the mystery of what is available if your heart and mind are open to receive the experience that is available to you in that moment and from which you will surely expand your range of knowledge. You will now know what it is like to dance with a dolphin!.  True, there are times when those voices keep us safe.  Having the same conversation with the voice outside a shark tank may be very sensible.  And there are shark tanks in life too where those very sharks are there to teach us something about ourselves that we perhaps have shoved underneath into that realm psychologists call our shadow and it is an act of courage and so very necessary to confront those sharks, taking whatever precautions are necessary.   The only way out is through sometimes.   In the  every day where we brush against many people in one day, what stops us dancing in the water with them to see what is and what might be?  What keeps our hearts and minds resistant to the leap of faith with which we are presented each time we look someone in the eyes or listen to their voice?

In February, in the month of the heart, in the year of the dragon, in time for Spring, a time for birth and renewal, Ignite Coaching will be re-initiating its relationship group coaching meetings.  Check out www.ignite-coaching.com or email me at soar@ignite-coaching.com to find out how you can join the conversation about dancing with our relationships. Start with an exploration of Self and move to exploration of being with Other. Come dance in the water with us! Come swim with the dolphins!  Don’t sit for too long at the side of the pool.   I am waiting for you.  We all are.

Much Love,

Karen DragonEagle

Mystic, Fire breathing Coach and Advocate for Stillness in the Everyday

“Cast your eyes on the ocean

Cast your soul to the sea

When the dark night seems endless

Please remember me

Please remember me”

Lyrics from Dante’s Prayer, by Loreena Mckennitt.

As I write, I am listening to this song. It inspires me. It is, for me, better than pure quiet itself.  Quiet, or stillness is another way of being which inspires me and allows me to visit with my creativity and inner wisdom, and harness it.  Today, however, we want to look at and guide you to what inspires YOU. Do you know?  Often we don’t remember: we have forgotten who we are and what inspires us.   It is often left behind in childhood dreams and playgrounds.

Various definitions of the word “Inspire” make reference to “stimulus to creative thought or action”; “to motivate by divine influence”; “to put spirit into”; “hearten” and my favourite “breathe”.  Breathing is something we largely take for granted.  It is though a technique for relaxation; it improves hypertension; we use it to meditate and do yoga, to name just a few.  So it seems to me that even as our body breathes itself, and we don’t notice it, we may at the same time be taking for granted the inspiration available to us, and not harness the powerful tool it represents.  When we are mindful of inspiration and can harness it, we will make a difference - to ourselves, to our families, to our community and to the world!

Here are some simple steps for you to put into daily practice:

1.   Work out a one sentence mission statement or life purpose.  What are you a stand for in your life?  Start with the words: “I was born at this particular time in history to ….”  To get yourself started, make a list of the values you won’t give up on, the things you most care about.   Ask your close friends and family to brainstorm with you.  Turn these words into a metaphor-like sentence.  I am the …..(metaphor) which/who……(action)…(impact on other)  For example:  ”I am the lighthouse on a dark night who guides you when you can’t see”  or “I am mother earth who takes care of natural process”.  My own life purpose statement started off as ” I am the goddess encompassing the world , using my words and light to exchange energy. It has moved to ” I heal others to the wholeness of their core essence”

Keep this statement where you can see it frequently.  Let it move you to tears because it is you at your core essence.   Have your thoughts, behaviour and commitments be consistent with this statement.

2.   Keep a notebook or journal of where you lose time and energy and where you are energized and can last forever.   Notice who is with you, if anybody, and what you are doing.   Consider why you spend your time as you do.  Drop as many of the time and energy wasters as you are able, or curtail them to certain hours.  Increase the energy giving activities and people.  Ask yourself: Is this activity or person moving me toward or away from living my life purpose?  Even a small step in this direction every day will make a difference.

3.   Find a picture, poem or piece of writing, or write a poem or something yourself or make a picture (photo, collage, vision board).  Have this be inspiring to you and place it where you can regularly see it or read it.

4.   Start the day quietly and sit with yourself, even for 5 minutes if that is all you can squeeze in.  Be compassionate with yourself here as you start this practice.  Ask yourself and answer the following 3 questions:  What do I need to get done today?  What do I hope to get done today? What do I want from today?

And then go out into your world and live it.

“Whatever you do, do it with passion”  Karen Bresler

I have been pondering this week how well I live up to my own words above.  Coaching homework had me bringing awareness to what I do with passion, and what I don’t.  When I am passionate about something, there is a flow and endless energy  and enthusiasm and I am loving what I am doing.  When I have no or little passion…, well, its a great big energy drain and I talk myself long and hard into not running away from the TASK, also known as procrastination.  Mostly the procrastinating gremlin wins.   Setting up, of course, a cycle of energy loss about tasks left undone.  They tend to cling on to us and keep us entangled with them, causing clutter where there could be passion.  You know the feeling:  It sounds a bit like this:  ”I would like to do this, but I have to get that done. Sigh!”  Interestingly,   my “tasks” for which I have no passion are other people’s passions.  Which is one of the reasons I resolved last year to grow my team:  each team member doing jobs that I hate to do and that they have passion to do.    I now have an amazing bookkeeper and an accountant. They are the most wonderful people in the world, energized about what they love to do.

And what about having passion in our daily routine?  What can we do each day to bring passion into our lives?

Here are some quick tips:

1. Get clear on your life purpose and get connected with it.  When you do a passion reading, ask yourself if this is in accordance with your life purpose. If not, take steps to transition your activity into an action that is in accordance with your life purpose.  If you need proper tools, better get them;

2. Stay in the moment.  Look around you and notice what is available.  Sit quietly for a few seconds in any situation and absorb what you see, feel, smell, taste and hear.  See if there is more available to “speak” to you.  An example:   while driving in traffic and being irritated by someone who aggressively cut across three lanes of traffic, I decided to broaden myself to everything around me in that moment.  Suddenly the beautiful North Shore mountains came into view.   I could not believe I had not seen them until then.  They had been there all along. They are breathtaking and inspiring, have been there long before me and will be there long after.  They spoke of a bigger picture, of earth moving to bring them into being, of being witness to all around them.   I forgot everything else except that I was grateful to be alive and witnessing this spectacular force of nature. Even if what you see is a weed,  or a disgruntled person in front of you, there is something to be said for noticing everything that is with you in that moment. It has something to offer you.

3. Don’t allow others to squash your passion.  Maybe they squash your idea; or tell you thats too much or not enough or whatever.   Not everyone is going to get it and you have to be prepared to give it your all and risk rejection.   Simply do not take it personally.  Its their stuff. It always is.  Anything else is selling your uniqueness as an individual short and dimming the gifts you have for the world.  This can be hard for perfectionist type personalities who want everything perfect before it is viewed, even themselves.  Imperfection is beautiful. Its what makes us all unique.  Look around: notice who is successful.  Notice their brand.  Its themselves.  Take it out into the world and review what happens. Then tweak as necessary and repeat.  Again, don’t take it personally.

4.  Being passionate is an act of vulnerability and it takes immense courage.  You can do it.  Get support from your coach or mentor.  It really makes a difference to have someone in your corner as you claim who you really are and start being passionate in the everyday.

5.  Fear:  See it and welcome it in.   We will never get rid of it and some fear is good anyway. It keeps us safe. Just be careful it does not keep you so safe that passion is killed.   There is no passion in the comfort zone so having fear means you are stepping beyond your particular  comfort zone and risking the vulnerability to be passionate.

6. Keep a journal of what makes you passionate and what does not and you will develop your own personalized quick tips for your self to be able to live a fulfilling, passionate life

Much love and passion to all!

 

This morning I dropped my daughter off at the ferry terminal.  She was off to babysit a friend’s child and I had the mission thereafter of getting on with my day.  Actually ,quite routine until I left the terminal building to walk back to my car. Then  I noticed the beach and the growing early morning sunshine and decided to follow my advice I give to everyone else, which is to  be in the moment, to take time to smell the flowers, love the trees, breathe and fly kites.  Today it was take time to be in the moment and  walk on the deserted beach right in front of me. I had my little maltese dog, Lily, with me.  I set her down on the beach and she just went crazy. Her little body filled up with the sudden freedom to run rampant in this place, with sand kicking up all over her body and me and the breeze flying through her ears and tail as she spun around wildly and looked at me for encouragement to go more crazy.  I gave it.  Why not?   It is fun to go crazy every now and then, to spin around and play with the abandon of a dog or a child.  Both dogs and children always teach so well about being in the moment and about playing so that your heart sings. They live for the moment.  And then we grow older and forget this wonderful way of being.  And so I was reminded to be in the moment and play a bit, maybe even a lot.

Lily and I walked the length of the small beach and back and as we came back, an elderly couple approached.  They came right up to Lily who was then busy digging a hole in the sand. They wanted to say hello to her.  Lily, although miniature, is a feisty beast and not afraid to attack a horse, a bear, raccoons and other dogs but she draws the line with humans she does not know. She climbed under my long skirt and left me to the social niceties.  The woman in front of me told me she had recently lost her dog and it pained her immensely.  We got talking about dogs and she told me she had had dogs since she was “yay high” .  We talked about the love and depth of this all and how it tore a heart out to say goodbye to our companions when they had to pass away.  She told me of how she would speak to this dog each day and how it would help her deal with life’s concerns, her husband’s passing and so on and how it was for her and the man standing with her,  when they discovered the darling most beloved dog of all had incurable cancer.  The dearest dog now lays buried in her front garden under the favourite patch of grass he loved to sit on and their conversation continues, he from the ground or the air around, and she from the window that looks out onto his resting spot. I was gradually introduced to her companion at her side, the wonderful elderly man with the kind, loving  face.  She told me that they had just booked a trip together. She said: “Why not?” as if I was questioning it and as if to explain herself for a brief moment and then she took a deep breath and said firmly  and lovingly that although they were both in their eighties they were not going to stop living each day to the fullest.  No not them!  Life is way too much joy.   I stood there looking into the beautiful, kind,  elderly, wise,  watery eyes of this  woman;  my height, even a few inches more.  We met eye to eye, heart to heart.  I was struck by her tall bearing and how she  stood so gracefully and energetically in her power and  how she so did not look like she was 80 something.  Neither did her partner, who was apparently older than her.   He was quietly supportive of her and yet not afraid to chime in.  It was a very co-active conversation.  In between, he apologized to me for not shaving that morning and I said I had not noticed.  He said: “She noticed and she did not like it.”  They smiled at each other lovingly in response.   I noticed the kindness and caring between them ; how they constantly glanced over at each other and how they communicated together and with me in our sharing.   I noticed how the other’s life mattered and even as they had separate lives and journeys, possibly even separate houses,  they wound their time together for each other in the moment, and treated it as sacred, as a gift to be treasured.  Later as I drove away, I saw them sitting on a bench  above the beach, as close together as they possibly could get.   Before I left, I told them that they were both an inspiration to me and I would be talking about them.  They smiled back and the woman told me her last name and which road she lived in. I know the name of her companion. They said they hoped they would bump into me again and thanked me for taking the time to talk with them.  They said this as if not many people do take the time to talk to them.   I told them that the pleasure had also been mine.  We said goodbye. I gathered up Lily and we went to the car. 

As I drove away I suddenly realized  that while I was talking to this dear elderly lady who appeared ageless and her companion who loved her dearly, and she him,  that I  had felt as if I was talking to my elderly higher self. She looked like me, she spoke like me.  The words coming out of this woman’s heart and mouth , indeed even her appearance, were my stories too, almost word for word. She certainly talked as much as me.  She talked about my favourite things:  about dogs; men; the joy of children and being on a beach; living life and loving.   She had her loving companion with her and it was clear it was an unconditional love and connection that had them be together.  And then the AHA moment.   I realized that I had in fact really grown up. I have grown up to be fully authentically who I was meant to be in this life and it has been an incredible journey to get to this place and, on having had the experience of  looking into the eyes of this elderly version of myself,  standing next to her companion, I  just knew the journey was far from over.  That even when you are 80 something you are beautiful, graceful, elegant, even sexy, yes so absolutely sexy,  and you have a light to shine that ships in a wicked dangerous sea would see for miles on a dark and blustery night and would know that you represented sanctuary.   And so my lesson for today to share is that it is our responsibility to shine our light.   I have grown up - I Am Me.   I saw today how graceful and peaceful it is to grow old  and all the while in between to love life and to love love, to never stop loving those who cross your path to be with you;  to speak love and to contnue to shine so brightly.  As I came home,  I synchronistically noticed a quote on a piece of paper on one of my piles of “stuff” I am busy clearing away,   a quote that I had found a while ago, attributed to a wise teacher: White Eagle.  I want to share it with you now. It is:

“The light of the spirit can shine from your heart, from your whole body. The heart centre of all can be like a lighted torch on a dark night, and can cast a beam into darkened highways. This is the very light of the universe, the true light of God, the dynamic force which can perform miracles.”

I know that there was a lot of light on that beach this morning.  I do not know what it all means and I don’t need to know. I do know however that I finally grew up to realize that my light serves others in this world and I am selfish to dim it.  I also realized that others lights serve me too, they fill me up and it is selfish not to let them shine on me and to be receptive to it.  Since we are all essentially one,  when we shine the world shines brighter.  The world just shone a lot brighter this morning on a small beach in Horseshoe Bay, West Vancouver.

So here’s what I want for you: I want for you to simply acknowledge and be aware of this light in you, however small or big you perceive it to be, notwithstanding what you make up about it and despite what others say.  Notice it even if you feel it is non-existent and you think I am crazy.  Please play with me here and agree to crank it up at least another 50% today.   I know you will not be disappointed.  When I got out of bed this morning, I had this random sentence come into my head which was: “Welcome to another amazing day. What will you have me get up to today!”.  Well the day is still a puppy…and so far, so great!  

Welcome to your amazing day today!  What will you get up to today?  How will you use this one precious day?  What will amp up your light a bit more for you and your world today?  Go do that thing and let me know.   I want to hear from You!  When you grow up, when you finally grow up,  you realize you make a difference in each moment so why not let it be a great difference.  And then growing old is a beautiful transition. Thank you Mrs. B and loving John.  I hope you have a wonderful trip together.

With love,

K X

As some of you know, I am back from California and the first retreat of the Leadership program in which I am participating in 2010/11.  I learned an amazing amount in the 6 intense days of the first retreat with my new powerful group (tribe) and after climbing and jumping through some very high fear inducing situations.  Being part of a group of powerful people all with the urge to learn and be bigger in their lives, and to be placed in situations where the only end result is huge learning, and acceptance of failure in the name of growth, is intense to say the least. It is also illuminating and causes transformational shifts in one’s way of being and relating to your world and the people and opportunities in it. And I have 10 months of this program which leaves me spine tingly excited for the unknown lying ahead.  I am grateful for the manifestation of my vision which is another whole subject.  Suffice it to say it is why I hold so firmly for you all  to never, ever give up on yourself, your own vision, your own dreams, notwithstanding where you are at any given moment in time.  In the Leadership program, we are led by two of the co-founders of the Coaches Training Institute which in itself is a huge privilege and honour. I am totally thrilled that I am one of the synchronistically speaking “chosen ones”  to receive this guidance, mentorship and honour.  These leaders wrote the book on coaching, literally and figuratively, and they are writing the book on a kind of leadership the world so badly needs to survive in its beautiful wholeness.  Being a part of this program allows me many possibilities and one of them is to serve my clients so much more powerfully and another is to grow myself in this world in ways I had not even imagined before, because that serves and enriches too.  Yes, I thought about you all a lot - you, my exisiting clients and you, my future clients - and how I will be bringing this back to you.  And it is a work in progress, personal growth.   It is a journey, not a destination.  Having said that, work can be easy and delightful, when you are on purpose and standing in your core essence. It should not be collapsed with hard, obligation  or duty.

What I learned this past few weeks is that going it alone is small. It is not living your big, most magnificent life. It is not breathing freely.  Asking for help and being willing to receive support from others has you grow wings and fly. And that is exhilarating.  And  quiet, refelctive time:   quiet  and stillness is vastly underrated in our lives and we so need more peace, quiet  spaciousness and meditative reflection.  This too is exhilarating and enthrals me to state it.

The photo attached to this post is me on a California beach pre-retreat.  It inspires me greatly as when this photo was taken I am in that space of my core essence, simply being me, loving where I am and the company I keep and I am feeling so very alive in that very moment.  I found this “self” again in the retreat and got to understand it clearly and learned to harness its power.  My 18 year old son, looking at an enlargement of this photo, said: “Mom, you should make this into a poster for your clients because if I were your client I would post this on my wall and it would say to me DO YOUR #*##**# HOMEWORK!”.  Out of the mouth of a teenager, always so to the point and yes, it is exactly about that. Do your “homework”, your growth work, your aliveness work, so you can be fully in your life, in a place you love and with people and circumstances that move you to feel so very alive in your one, oh so special, life.

Much Love,

Karen

 

 

A framed print caught my eye the other day.  Hanging quietly in a yoga studio, its message almost hidden, very simple and yet powerful indeed in its impact if you took the time to be still and notice it.  It simply stated the following:

 

Awareness

Balance

Transformation

Inspire

Evolve

 

I am calling this now a ladder of growth.   These words represent stages of growth or enlightenment, depending on your perspective.  One of my favourite sayings is, as my clients will tell you, “AWARENESS is everything”.  Once you are aware of something, a light is shone on it and that causes many things to show up in your life to change this thing of which you have become aware.  The more obvious examples are clarity, a willingness to de-clutter, behaviour change in the form of new habits to replace the old ones that are not serving, goal setting, a compassion for yourself and others and so much more.  Once you have awareness, you naturally are willing to get more and more into the “work” of personal growth as there is a subtle yearning, a ache that is suddenly more noticeable for the things that you have been keeping on the back burner of your life, simply not giving them any air time. Perhaps you have been tolerating situations or relationships which actually drive you quite crazy and drain your energy.  Now that you have brought awareness to the situation – awareness of this impact on you, the cost of continuing this way, you are no longer prepared to put up with this in your life.  You take action, you make choices.  Not surprisingly, this is often a time of upheaval. 

 

And after the upheaval and turmoil and guilt, we strive for BALANCE.  Ultimately, a fulfilling life is one that is in balance.  A balanced life is that place where your needs are being met and you live in accordance with your values.  You are in touch with your core essence and consult it and its wisdom daily.  People can spend a lot of time at this stage getting their lives into balance.  It is now trite to say we live in a 24/7 world which never seems to switch off, with every kind of technology demanding our constant attention, in an uncertain economic climate where there is no such thing as job stability or staying in one job for a lifetime anymore.  A world where we rely on earning coin to support ourselves instead of the fields and the wisdom of a village of elders.    Where people often interact more via technology than they do face to face and internet dating has become the way to shortlist applicants for the position of life partner but divorce statistics tell us the life partner bit is no longer the rule and more and more people are turning away from the institution of marriage.  Yes, balance in such a world is challenging.   And yet, as we have said before, each of us has a responsibility to do the work necessary to live a fulfilling, balanced life, no matter the circumstances surrounding us.    And when we do, we find ourselves undergoing a TRANSFORMATION.  We change. We notice it.  We enjoy it.  Others notice it and enjoy the new us too.  They sense the realness, the authenticity of this new one.  We start living in accordance with our values and discover an authentic joy.  We are open to loving others more and ourselves.  We understand that in order to give more to the world and its people, we need to practice self-love and self-care and this is not selfish. Quite the contrary, it is life giving to yourselves and those around you and so you move onto the level of INSPIRE.  Others notice your inspiring ways. They want to be around you. You become a role model even if you do not realize it.  The ripple effect of your personal growth has moved beyond you and is rippling out into the world.  Then you EVOLVE to the next level of your potential.  You stretch beyond your skin. You grow bigger.  You “do something” with your life that fills you with gratitude that you are alive and kicking.  Your heart fills with joy and love is ever present in your daily deeds, chores, actions. 

 

Now these stages are a ladder that we move up and down on various issues and things in our lives.  We are not necessarily at the same stage on all issues at the same time and we don’t necessarily stay at one stage on a particular issue either. We go up and down this ladder all the time and it is our responsibility again to bring our awareness to this and to know it is a process of constantly doing what is needed to move up to the next level.  At the point of the greatest discomfort in our lives, we will find the greatest growth.  At this point there is an inquiry for you as to what your edge is, what you so badly ache for that you will push through the discomfort – or not. If we don’t push through, we go back to the comfort level and that can feel good for a while until the pull to the next level calls us to push through the discomfort. The Susan Jeffries “Face Your Fears And Do it Anyway”  thinking which pushes us through and beyond.  As you push through the discomfort, embrace it fully, bring love and compassion for yourself into your observance of it because:   WOW!! You are moving to the next level!!  And please remember always to celebrate all forward movement. You will know it is forward movement when you get that resonant feeling,  that “ I did it!” sensation; when you just know you grew by stepping up and on, whether it was easy, or difficult, an “Aha” moment or pain and tears.   Growth happens in many different ways.   I want to acknowledge each and every one of you now for getting this far and being so open and courageous to climb up and down this ladder of growth.

With much love,

Karen

Dear clients, past clients, new clients and friends of Ignite Coaching:

 I trust that you have enjoyed the experience of the holiday season thus far.  I have been using the holiday season to take a break, to plan for next year and reflect on the year that has been.   Somehow it seems that 2010 is going to be Olympian in stature and not only because of the games in February in Vancouver.  This is my sense.  One thing that has been uppermost in my reflections on 2009 is how amazing each of my clients is; including the ones who are about to become clients in the New Year; how grateful I am that I attract clients of your calibre in my practice; how inspiring each of your journeys is and what a privilege it is to be on the journey with each of you.  Each of you along your own individual journeys displays to me so many impressive attributes. Sometimes I see in your eyes the question of  what you might think I think as I sit with you and sometimes you actually ask me what I think when you tell me “everything”.  Sometimes you get self conscious and say things like: “well I feel funny about saying all this to you, what must you think of me!”  In answer, what I think is that I love each one of you dearly and individually and I am grateful for the journey that I have been on in my life, especially the last 3 years,  which allows me this capacity to be with you, to love you authentically and share so much of your life with you.  I am deeply honoured when you trust me this much to share work, family, relationship, health, career and more challenges and aspirations.  When we co-actively reach new heights in your progress, when you sign up for bigger and better and more in your life, when you stand firmly in your own made–for–you shoes, in your own power  and I witness your success, it is incredibly gratifying all round.   I am just as awed by being with you in your low points as I know there is great learning for you then and you will come back stronger and more powerful; that when we are both patient with the lows and sit with them to get through them, we will get to witness the highs. I trust this process and I witness you learning to trust it too.  I am impressed by your courageousness, your honesty, your willingness to do the work of personal growth, your willingness to trust me even when sometimes your eyes show that you think I might really just be completely crazy this time, but you trust me anyway and then email me and tell me afterwards ”WOW, thank you!” and I breath a sigh of relief.   I am as appreciative of your strength, where, in our container of safety and trust that we have, you can tell me fiercely and even angrily:  “No, it is not that! - it is more like this!” because then I know you are finding your own clarity and truth and solutions.   I appreciate your often heartfelt appreciation of me, even though it is not about me, and your acknowledgement of the fact that I do love you; your acceptance that we are a team working on your dreams, the appreciation of the support you get from the coaching relationship and that we have the power of coaching surrounding us and supporting us and other forces too, when we are open to them coming in to be with us. Then there are all the times you have given me gooseflesh with the wonder and revelation of what you say, and how you can move me to tears, all so that you can reach more and more of your magnificent potential.   Just this week I had occasion to celebrate a birthday of someone turning 68 and I could not help but notice the sadness behind their eyes and wondered about the unfulfilled dreams that I knew had not been realized because they had been kept in a neatly boxed life and buried a long time ago, in the name of many things, especially safety.   It reminded me that we each have a responsibility to live fully in the moment, every single moment of our lives, and that often means stepping out and taking risks to grow ourselves in service of those we love and the world around us and yes, our own selves.  When we do that we learn it is acceptable to get messy and make mistakes because that is better than not doing anything at all.  That we might feel the pain and joy more intensely, but surely this means we are truly alive and not just the so called “living dead”.   It reminded me yet again to continue to take a passionate, fearless stand for my life and to encourage each of you to do the same.    It also reminded me to enjoy tears the next time I cried, instead of wishing them away because it hurt my heart so and scolding myself for being “so emotional”,  because ultimately those tears are really physical evidence of love and capacity for a fulfilling well used life.  If you don’t take chances and step beyond your skin, you don’t necessarily get to cry so what an awesome gift to feel that pain, those tears because it means you stretched and you experienced, you took a chance and it got messy  and you moved deeper for the experience.  This enables the light in you to shine just so much more brighter the next time.  When you stretch, you simply do not go back to the same size you were before.  So to each of you receiving this, I have included you because you shine and you are each individually shining lights in my life.  I want for you in 2010 that you get to crank up the “Shine Meter” on your personal light deep inside you, your magnificent potential.  Lets make it so.

 In the spirit of the holiday season, and the impending New Year, I am offering you a e-program for the start of what I know in my bones is going to be a stretching, changing, growing year.  It is a 21 day coaching cleanse program which will, instead of setting New Years Resolutions, engage you more deeply in the journey of healing, growth and personal development, and, if you do set New Years Resolutions, will  hopefully help you get beyond February with them.   It will be presented as an email a day, starting January 4, 2009,  for 21 days, except Sundays because Sundays should be a day of rest, and it  will offer you suggestions, exercises, questions to take on for that day.  You get to take what works and leave what doesn’t but I would ask that if you decide to do it, that you commit wholly to the process of being with the program and also with the doing of it.   I offer it as a gift so this is not a compulsory exercise.  No obligations whatsoever except to yourselves.  If you would like to see what it is about, then send me an email to add you to the list of those who want to receive it. And remember, if you need me to hold you accountable on anything, you only have to let me know.

 I now leave you with this Prayer for the Past:, and greetings for the year that lies ahead: 

Let all those who guide me support me in peeling away

Whatever it is that keeps me blind to what’s possible,

That keeps me hidden from my greatness

That keeps me separate from my loved ones

Today I ask you to lighten my heart, to lift my burdens,

My worries, my fears, my anxieties, my grief

So that I may know and cherish all that I am

I see it, I feel it, I acknowledge it right now

And so I know that it is

 

-Debbie Ford

 

 

Happy New Year!!! 

 

Love Karen X

 KAREN BRESLER, B.A. LL.B CPCC

“Medicine Woman” 

December 21, 2009 - Winter Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere.  Today we pass through the day where from now on the days get shorter; from days that have more darkness towards days with less darkness.  As many of us use this time of the year to reflect on the year that has been and the year that approaches, it is useful to look at this time through the persepctive of the solstice.    What has been happening in your life as you went through the darkness and how ready are you for the returning light?

Being ready implies you will take action.  Stepping into the light demands that you be seen and counted.  That you step up to the demands of your daily living and aim for the higher road.  That you will leave the land of dreaming and actually get into the land of action by using your very own light to illuminate the way  toward what you really want in your life.   What does that mean?  First we have to look at what is really holding you back right now, standing in the way of the light returning? I want to challenge you to do the following solstice exercise.  Find a quiet space and light two candles. It is useful for one to be dark to represent the darkness and the other to be white or lighter.  Light the darker one and honour the darkness of the past year, the lessons you have learned, the ups and downs, any sadness, the shadows, any losses, the loss of time gone by, unfulfilled dreams, any habits and practices that you might  feel ready to  let go as you know they no longer serve you, knowing that all that the darkeness ever required of you was to be aware of it and flow with it, breath into it and stay present to it, not fight it.  Light the white or lighter candle  now and welcome the returning light, knowing that after darkness always comes light.  That is the natural way.  What lights you up?  What makes your inner light glow just that little bit stronger?  What do people notice in you when your light is shining?  When are you at your best?   What do people say about you when that is happening? Welcome that back.  Now, from this place of light, ask yourself what you would  attempt this coming year if you knew you could not fail?  What is the burning desire you have that you may not even have admitted to yourself, let alone others?  How radical for you to do that thing!  What do you need to do that?  What assistance should you ask for and from whom?  Allow the two candles to burn side by side in a safe spot while you now take paper and pen and draw three columns on the paper. In the first column, commit to paper what you are letting go as it no longer serves you; in the second, write what you are neutral about ie. it can come or go in your life, it makes no difference to you and in the third column, write down what you must absolutely now have in your life, the “MUST HAVES” especially in the coming year,  if you are to live the life of your dreams, if your life is going to be better or different or more special. Do this from a place of the lighter candle, where all is possible as the light returns  and it is easier to see, where there is the appearance of more hours in the day because of the light and therefore possibility saturates the air and hope is renewed.  What do you need, what help or assistance can you ask for to get what you need; what would asking for help look like; how might your dreams look if you dreamed them from the place of the fearless and brave one in you who can not fail?  What is it that you need to happen in your life in 2010?  What would it look like if, for the sake of the exercise you lowered your standards of perfection or expectations by 50%?  Write down what else is needed from this place of lower expectations.  Great!  Now that you have done that, share your writings with your coach or someone who will hold you accountable to assist you to let go of those things no longer serving you, of not spending your time or energy without awareness  on the neutral things and holding you accountable to take  a couple or more  daily action steps towards any of the things you have listed in your third column.  Contact me for assistance if you are fearless and have the awareness and passion to need it.  My focus for 2010 is to take you where you may not yet have looked because for 2010 my requirements are fearlessness and passion in the pursuit of dreams.   I ask for a lot and a lot is therefore asked of me. I love this with a passion. That assists me to live purposefully and in love and joy.  I wish that for you too.  The choice as to how to live your one amazing life is, as always,  yours and your future is determined by the choices you make today.  Make your choices count now!

May your light shine even more brightly as you go out into the world this holiday season and into 2010.

Namaste and all the best,

Karen X

September is here and I am calling it the start of a new year.  Why!! It is not January!  Well actually I think it is. I think that new starts are good for energizing us towards our goals and September is the back to school month with new school supplies.  A senior executive at a large stationery store told me recently that they know that people love stationery.  Why?  Well apparently there is research to show that we associate stationery with back to school and that exciting feeling when everything is new and all your stationery is new too. Now I know why I drift around those stores buying stuff I really do not need but just have to have!  When you go back to school, even if you are dragging your heels there, it is true that each person has hopes and dreams or expectations that have not yet been worn down by the day to day grind (or homework). “This year I am going to do things differently” perspective. So September is the start of the new year.  Take it from me now.  It is always about choice of perspective. Many of you are already starting new projects in September, quitting old ones and some are literally going back to school and I want to take this opportunity to acknowledge each of you for your bold steps and courage with your plans and dreams.  Of course, living bigger brings with it its own challenges, but part of the learning is to bring awareness into how we focus or don’t focus our daily lives, so that we can better cope with the daily grind and don’t have it wear down our hopes and dreams so that they disappear and we became shells of our true selves. Rather, we use awareness to channel the hopes and dreams into action. And then we have compassion for ourselves.  Yes, compassion because otherwise we beat up on ourselves because we are not getting it “PERFECT”.  Remember, a dream without action is just a dream and no amount of positive thinking can get you there if you don’t take the baby steps first.  And if you wait until you get it perfect you will never get started.  So in the spirit of starting anew in September I am playing with the challenge of challenging you all to do one baby step each day towards a goal you have.  It can be to save for a trip next year. What step today can you take towards that?  It could be to receive a promotion.  It could be to heal your suffering and give up the pain that has been running your life.   Look at the end result of your goal, imagine what it would look like, feel it, touch it, find pictures or journal your goal or work with me on it in your sessions and then start looking for baby steps and take one each and every day. Use you calendar to place a check mark on the day once you have your baby step DONE or devise a system where you can check off your daily baby step each day you have completed it.

 

Start your day stating: Today a baby step for me towards (goal) is___________________________________.

Love and Light

Karen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

The topic of  surrender is intriguing.  Depending on which book you consult, surrender can have different meanings.  The Websters New World Dictionary  defines it as follows: “to give up on possession of; yield to another on compulsion; to give up or abandon;…esp. as a prisoner”   This definition evokes thoughts of loss, of losing, of being caught.

 

Rick Warren’s “The Purpose Driven Life” says this about surrender:

 

 “Surrendering to God is not passive resignation, fatalism, or an excuse for laziness. It is not accepting the status quo.  It may mean the exact opposite: sacrificing your life or suffering in order to change what needs to be changed…Surrendering is not for cowards or doormats.”

 In terms of a calling, surrendering to what you are called to do on this earth in your life time is an act of sacrifice and yet an ache in you which  cannot be denied, notwithstanding the sacrifice or sacrifices you are asked to make to follow this, your calling.  It can take a lifetime to surrender to a calling and all the while that you resist surrender, there is a feeling that there is something more, something just out of your reach and to die without it would lead to regret.

 

Greg Levoy, in his book “Callings, Finding and Following an Authentic Life” says this about following a call:

 

 “ …we also need to make some rough peace with the force of chaos and the laws of motion, because following a call often has the effect of placing us at the foaming edge of evolution, moving us from a life that’s simpler and less effortful to one that’s more demanding, more complex, more of a juggle and a struggle.”

 It is the “juggle and struggle” to which we surrender if we are to ever be a peace and live a life of few regrets.

 

 

 What does surrender look like?  It is that unrestrained thing deep inside you that when it comes out has no mask and is pure unadulterated you. The very essence of you.   It does not think because it does not need the mind to think, the mouth to speak or the eyes to see.  It listens with the body and intuition.  It just is.  If you live with passion because passion speaks to you, it is the very passion that wants out.  It is that sensuousness that others pick up in you because it is there and now you surrender to it – it is your own personal impetuous mistress with needs and wants and aches that won’t be silenced any longer.  It is the deep caring for the body, mind and soul of another because they need you to care and you know it at a deep level and because this is what you are called to do.   It is the pain for another’s suffering even if you have never met them and everyone else around you thinks you are crazy to care.  It is letting the dramatic actress in you have the stage for the sheer joy and laughter of it all and then moving into silence to be one with the Universe, all within the space of an hour.  It is sitting so quietly in a sunny spot that a dove settles next to you and you speak softly to the dove sharing this spot with you and tell the dove it will be safe there with you and you believe that to be true and then a child, shoots the dove dead next to you with his pellet gun, and you cry bitterly for not being able to keep your word to the dove, for the life that is gone so suddenly and the meaningless of life in that moment and for this being the way things are. And you cry for the child because he feels bad for you crying but does not understand why this made you cry.    And you have gratitude in your heart for your children because it was not one of them who shot the dove and also because they understand why you cry for the dove.  It is in the meeting of two people who play the roles they thought they had to play and which society expects them to play and then find that they are helpless to pretend in each other’s company.  It is finding out that your husband  or your wife who you have loved for a big portion of a life, doesn’t want to be with you anymore and you surrender to the truth of this and let him or her be free like the adventurer he or she is,  for he or she too is on a journey, and even as you release him or her you still hope that he or she finds what he or she is looking for, and you wonder what being free is,  if there is no accompanying surrender.  It is about your own permission to allow yourself to be free, without pain, regret or guilt  to live this, your life, with all of your heart as if your heart were the horizon of the sea and as peaceful and as wild. It is to take in what others sense about you and to experience the joy of that in the moment, right now and in the next and in the next, because you know you will never have this moment again and to feel gratitude for that.  It is remaining unattached to what it all means and what others see in you because it is actually never about you.

 

 

 When you surrender there is no longer any need to pretend or defend or make excuses as what people see is what they get.   It creates the space for you to be free.  With all your flaws, and your beauty as a creature of the Universe, doing what you were sent here to do.  You ask to be accepted for who you are because you cannot be anything less than that and you pray to God that you can be more.  You want it to be that when you take your last breath, it will be a soft sigh filled with love, laughter and joy   And yes, that you can say that you loved deeply and that you were loved. That you made a difference. That you did what you came here to do.  That you surrendered to all that life had to offer.

 

I ask you this today:  Do you know what you are called to do?  And can you surrender to it?

 

Karen Bresler

July 30, 2009